Madeleine, the youngest ever Professor of Bubblegum at Cambridge can speak 5 different languages; sadly none comprehensible to human beings.

Despite this picture, Madeleine is actually quite photogenic and regularly poses for anybody with a camera who says "please"

In the picture on the left, Madeleine smiles sweetly for the camera unaware of the impending vicious attack by cordless electric super-drill .

Her hobbies include:

• pretending not to be hungover (see below)
• euro-hindi handjiving
• circus acts with a lasso, a roll of sellotape and a loo brush
• murdering grumpy customers.

You have been warned.